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DEAR CAROLINE: Our son and daughter-in-法律 have 削減（する） us off and we have never met our four-year-old grandson

READ MORE:?DEAR CAROLINE: I 設立する out my late husband was a 賭事ing （麻薬）常用者 and now my 甥 wants to make me homeless?

Published: 13:04 BST, 19 April 2024 | Updated: 13:04 BST, 19 April 2024

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Q?I have a daughter 老年の 34, with whom I’m very の近くに, and a son 老年の 38. He has a partner and three children. My husband and I feel as though we’ve been 削減（する） off because we 港／避難所’t seen any of them since Christmas 2019. One of his sons was born in 2021, so we 港／避難所’t even met him.?

There hasn’t been a 落ちるing out ??it seems that we have just drifted into this 状況／情勢. The main problem is his partner. She used to （人命などを）奪う，主張する that we never made the 成果／努力 to see them, even though we were always the ones who messaged and made 計画（する）s.

In fact they never once （機の）カム to us. It always felt like we did all the running ? but this wasn’t good enough for her. The longer the 状況／情勢 has gone on, the harder it is to see a way out.

Our daughter and my 年輩の father have also heard nothing from our son. He has 削減（する） himself off from the whole family. But I know that as soon as someone dies he will want his 株 of any 相続物件. I’m at a loss as to what to do.

A?I’m sorry to hear this ? it must be so upsetting for you. It’s hard when your child is in a 関係 with someone who you don’t get on with ? and she does sound difficult. You say that things have drifted to this 行う／開催する／段階, but was there a point when you noticed the distance between you and your son grow??

He and your daughter are 明確にやめる different personalities. You 示唆する that he can’t be bothered unless there is an 相続物件 to be had, so is he emotionally detached or selfish? Whatever, he is your son so, of course, you love him and you want to see him.?

Please don’t let the time that you 港／避難所’t been in touch stop you from making the first move. It might feel ぎこちない, but you want 仲直り, so be the one to make the 成果／努力.?

Send him a text or call to say that you would love to see him and your grandchildren ? and ask if you can visit. (You could 申し込む／申し出 to stay in a hotel nearby so that you don’t put them to the trouble of making up beds, etc.) I do hope he will agree and, if so, don� �t 非難する him for not getting in touch ? just say how thrilled

you are to be 支援する together and to finally 会合，会う your youngest grandchild. Try to keep things light and say that you want to see him more often. However, you also need to consider whether his partner is controlling him.?

A classic 調印する of coercive 支配（する）／統制する is cutting off a partner from their friends and family. So 接触する the Men’s Advice Line mensadviceline.org.uk) and/or the charity ManKind 率先 (mankind.org.uk) to discover how to recognise this and help your son if necessary. The charity Stand Alone (standalone.org.uk), which supports those 対処するing with family estrangement, can 申し込む／申し出その上の advice about how to 再開する communication.

His redundancy is coming between us

Q My husband and I are really struggling for money since he was made redundant. He is 59. Our children, who are in their 早期に 20s, both still live at home.

I am working part-time but my salary won’t cover all the 法案s.

My husband and I are meant to be going on holiday with his sister and her husband (who are 公正に／かなり豊富な) in the summer. Even though his sister has said that we don’t have to 支払う／賃金に向かって the 郊外住宅, I don’t think we can afford to go. The flights won’t be cheap, and his sister and brother-in-法律 like expensive meals out. I keep arguing with my husband about it.

I think he is too proud to tell his sister how up against it we are. She has always been the more successful one.

A This is a minefield for you because it sounds as if your husband has always felt in the 影をつくる／尾行する of his sister. It would be a shame to let it come between you, though, as you are both feeling 強調する／ストレスd already.?

So tell your husband that you don’t want to argue any more ? the two of you have enough to 対処する with without that ? and say you want to find a way to discuss it calmly. Ask him gently if he feels that his sister will value him or love him いっそう少なく because his company has ended his 雇用, which could 井戸／弁護士席 be because of factors beyond his 支配（する）／統制する.?

Tell him that you don’t think any the いっそう少なく of him, 強調 that he is much more than his work and that you are sure his sister will feel the same. Low self-esteem is ありふれた after redundancy ? Mind (mind.org.uk) has advice on how to 対処する. You can also get 解放する／自由な指導／手引 on managing your 財政／金融s at Money Helper moneyhelper.org.uk.

If you have a problem, 令状 to Caroline West-Meads at YOU, 9 Derry Street, London W8 5HY, or email c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. You can follow Caroline on X/Twitter @Ask_Caroline_??Caroline reads all your letters but 悔いるs she cannot answer each one 本人自身で

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